If you asked me in my teens where I would be at 30, I wouldve told you to shut up cos it hurt my head to think that far in advance. If you asked me at my 21st I wouldve said.... "Hmmmm successful is what I'd like to be...." At 25 I would have said "Married with a baby and one in the oven" And at 28 I would said who the hell cares I just don't want to be old...... Sniff sniff!
But here I am, the day looming in just a few short hours and all I can think is "Holy shit! I'm going to be 30!!" I don't feel 30! Most say I don't look 30 and, I have to admit, I totally get off peoples reactions when they accuse me of lying and actually only being 23, 24. But in reality here I am..... about to turn 30! As far as societies idea of 30 goes, I'm pretty much nowhere near where i should be I guess, but as far as life experience, personal growth and who I am and what I'm comfortable with and capable of, I'm almost right where I want to be.
I would actually say that in hindsight every so many years I have a really defining one and this last year has to be the most definitive yet!! In the last 365 days I have pushed myself to do things I never dreamed possible and most certainly didn't believe I was capable. I have grown from strength to strength, and although I may not quite have figured what I do want in and outta life, I have definitely made a list of the things I don't!
This last year has been amazing! I have learnt self restraint, I have learnt to be less selfish with those I love and more selfish with my self and my heart (to a degree - that's still a work in progress) I have learnt to take a risk, I have learnt to let go that of which I cannot control. I have learnt to remain calm and to think before speaking (again - work in progress) I have learnt that its okay to trust someone if they really are worth trusting. Ive learnt that its okay to have a crush and not have to act on it. Ive learnt that its okay to say no if you don't feel like doing something or something goes against your beliefs. That last one may seem a bit juvenile considering I'm almost 30 but its easy to let life and people sway you no matter how old or young you are. Ive learnt that travel is the richest form of experience one could ever own. Ive learnt that balance is HUGELY important! Being an organized, "got my shit together" career woman by day who is all about seriousness and professionalism doesn't mean I cant be the sneaker clad, band tee and skinnies child who fist pumps and laughs her ass off at stupid jokes and makes pervy comments about Team Emmit during Twilight! It doesn't mean I cant cry at the top of a mountain because I'm too scared to climb back down the chains and it certainly doesn't mean I cant put a Santa head on in public and do the running man in the middle of a store! It makes no difference what my ID says, its about who I am and im not defined by a number!
Geez this last year has been amazing! The places I have been, the people I have met and the crazy insane things Ive down! From jumping out of a plane, to 90degree quad bike trails, to strolling across Great Tower bridge and getting inked in Camden with new friends from Iran. Jumping on a plane and heading to a country I knew no one and leaving with lifelong best mates. This year has been a trip. (No pun intended) Standing in the doorway of my Manhattan Apartment to looking out at the Statue of Liberty and dancing along the shores of Coney Island to Seaside heights.
Learning how to cope with bad days alone and trying new foods in Sydney and long hikes along the cliffs of Bondi. Each and every moment learning and discovering more about who I am and what I've accomplished by myself through the gifts and skills my parents and God gave me.
So many people have made some harsh comments about my age and where I'm at in my life and to all of you I say - don't feel sorry for me because I'm not married and I have no babies. Don't pity me because I'm single and don't own my own home. If those were your goals at 30 or are your goals for when you get there, that's great - that's what YOU want. For me - I have an amazing, exciting and challenging job, I have the most amazing family, I have friends who I adore and who adore me, I get to travel the world and meet new people and learn new cultures, I'm in an amazing position to give back and I have a home that I've been building for a while that I can somewhat call my own. I am more than comfortable in my own skin and I am more than blessed and content with where I am in my life.
So basically with this whole little rundown of my last year or so what I'm saying is that no matter how I cant help a tear sliding down my cheek, here and there, today, and aside from the fact I'm terrified of being old... If the last year is anything to go by in terms of my future then please..... Don't feel sorry for me, cos the way I see it - I have a fucking awesome life! So instead of being scared of getting older, I will rather use this time to appreciate the one thing we are all so happy to give up so quickly without even realising it and that's TIME.
Let this year slow down a bit so instead of so many of us trying to hurry it on and wish it was over because we have hit a few bumps in the road, lets rather take this time to think back and be grateful for the good that's come with it! Let time stand still for just a moment!
To turning 1year older but remaining forever young in spite!
xxx
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