Life can be so bitter sweet more often than not! One great amazing thing happens and then it doesnt take long before some crap thing comes along like a great big avalanche and totally knocks the wind from your sails, it always seems.
When someone tells you they love you, of course you going to believe them. I mean honestly, who doesnt want to be loved? Even the hard asses like myself who say they dont want relationships, want to be loved. So when some one amazing and funny and special comes along and makes you feel so good and so happy and they tell you they love you, how can you not buy into that? No one goes into a relationship thinking of failure. (well unless you a commitmo -tard like me!) but in general, when you go into the love bubble your future looks bright and fuzzy and everything has a twinge of warmth and every colour seems that much brighter. Bleak rainy days turn into cuddle fests and party nights turn into date nights. Every thing changes and in your mind its all for the better. Its all because you're in love and all you can look towards is the bright future you two will share and how you'll grow old together and be happy forever after.
You make a choice as two independent individuals to blend two lives and create a new joint one. Its all so special, so intimate and so beautiful..... until it isn't.
One morning you wake up and you find your rose coloured glasses ripped from your face and your heart that was once so swollen with love is now left like a gaping hole of nothingness in your chest. Hurt and pain ride your veins and your head has cleared all the cotton candy mushiness and been replaced with spinning confusion. The butterflies have exited your tummy leaving you feeling hollow and empty.
How did you get here? You keep asking yourself that question over and over! How the fuck did I get here? What did I do? Where did I go wrong? Was I a bad person? Was I mean? Do I smell funny? What is it? The pain and confusion and the hurt and the anger drive you mad! Some have expertly learned to deal with a broken heart and get by swiftly and easily while the rest of us are left lonely and shattered for months or years to come!
Some people find it hard to trust, so when theirs is crumpled and torn, they cant believe what happened. They cant cope with the change and the lack of closure or lack of ability to understand how one can hurt you and murder your dreams for a happy ending with no rhyme or reason. Some people are sick and cruel and twisted and don't think twice about the trail of hurt and deception they leave lingering behind them. Some are callous and severe in what they say and others will try and give feeble excuses. Some are even nice to you after they rip out your heart but honestly what the fuck does it matter what type of dream killer you are – you all achieve the same result in the end and you all leave the same damage behind for someone else to deal with.
How do people fall in and out of love? Either you are in love or you aren't?! You can only stop loving someone because you didn't try or you didn't work on it by getting to know your respective other. Even if you do fall out of love – surely its a gradual process not just a “wake up one morning and the love is gone”! I mean if you fall out of that love that quickly then surely it was never really love to start off with?
I'm not angry at love, like so many people seem to think and it doesn't disgust me as much as some choose to believe, I’m angry at the small people who choose to hide behind a word to get what they want or to avoid accountability. Does love scare me? Hell yes! Do I believe in love? Hell yes! Do I want to fall in love? Hell yes! But for me the love part only really makes up for a percentage of the fuzzy feeling because no matter how much you want to believe love exists you need to know that respect and trust are right there with cupids favourite emotion!
Faith Hope Love!
xxx
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