Ever had that crazy moment where you think its okay to just be in that moment and say and do whatever it is that you wanna do? Yeah granted you probably drunk or “Emo” or whatever the fuck but deep down in you heart of hearts, you honestly believe that what you feel and what you are about to say is the Oath to God truth as to what you feel inside and you believe that you need to be honest despite the judgemental looks you know are about to get flung your way or the shut down response you expect to take on the chin, cos you know you just simply cannot keep it in?
Well that was me - I just felt that all bullshit aside it was time to break out of my safe zone and let go with the emotion I so rarely feel. K so it wasn't quite received in the way I had wanted it to be but the response didn't come as a surprise. Funny thing is, I don't think I was really looking for a response more so than looking for a final outlet. I had something to say …. so I said it. I don't want to be that person that keeps things in for fear of looking like an ashole or scaring someone off or because those aren't the rules of the game..... Fuck the game! Fuck all that shit! We only have one life so why not make the most of it. I'm so sick of hearing people go on and on about a life with no regret and who are all about the free world but yet its those same people who are doing nothing to make a difference! Some of them are the most afraid people I know! What happened to going out on a whim? Taking a chance? If at first you don't succeed, well fuck it and TRY AGAIN?!?!
People think I’m crazy and a dork cos I put myself out there and because I don't back down when I believe in something as strong as I do but screw it – I would rather be on the receiving end of every insult they throw at me because they are too gutless to be open and carefree and HONEST! I take risks, I say stupid things, I screw up, I get let down, I get hurt, I get screwed over but hey I am alive! Just because I get pushed to the ground doesn't mean I’m going to stay there. I'm not going to just roll over and give up.
Yeah this is probably all a load of cheese to some and maybe by way of this blog I am somewhat of a coward myself, because I could say more and I don't cos I hide behind my pseudonym, but I really believe that when it counts I wont shut up and I wont keep it in. I will never hurt your feelings but I will never allow you to let me live a life of regret.
There are times I say things and the retaliation and consequence do get me down and make me cry cos I do feel like an ashole for saying it, However, I still maintain that above all else I'd rather look like a dick for saying shit and I'd rather be laughed at for my absolute honesty than live with the regret of never being honest and showing what I feel or believe in.
It is very possible that my sudden departure into the Great Unknown has brought out an even bolder version of me, but man, life is so short and while I’m here I plan to blow bubbles on the beach, dance in a tutu and Uggs, show my roomie how boys underpants work, fall in love, get hurt, work hard, be grateful, dance in the rain, sing out loud even when I don't know the words, tell you what I feel, get mad, cry in the bath, paint even though I don't know how, write down what I feel even if you think it sucks, bust a rhyme in a packed club and a million other things cos I’m here today and I’m here in the moment so fuck, I may as well live it!
Peace out!
xxx
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